A Geiger counter. Fantasy van art. 2,000 gallons of jet fuel. A solid gold monocle. Who knows what weird things identity thieves are going to buy with the money they steal?

In this campaign for Fifth Third Bank, we dramatize the need for identity theft protection for your entire family by cataloging the unlikely things your loved ones would never buy. Because if their identities are stolen, they could buy anything. Even an escalator.

MUSICAL STING

MVO: Presenting The Official List of Things Your Teenage Son Will Never Buy: Elective dental surgery. A baby stroller. Victorian era gloves. Spray tan equipment. 100 powdered wigs. A lighthouse. A solid gold monocle.

But if your teenage son's identity is stolen, he could buy anything. Help protect you and your family from identity theft with Fifth Third Identity Alert Premium. Learn more at your nearest Fifth Third Banking Center or visit 53.com/idalert. Fifth Third Bank. The curious bank.