SFX:bed creakingANN:Imagine your parents having sex. Mom is lying spread eagled on the mauve bedspread in a nylon thong. She grinds her hips raunchily, licking her lips. Dad is dressed in a leather waistcoat and a cop hat. As he sucks mom’s toe she growls like a feral cat. He ties mom’s hands to the headboard with the tie you gave him for father’s day then buries his head between her crepey breasts. His face is red and sweaty and a purple vein protrudes from his forehead. The headboard bangs. Mom’s feet kick into the air, she nays and whinnies. The flab on her upper arms shudders. On the bedside table your matrix dance picture is rocking back and forth. Dad is an animal. On and on. And on. Mom’s mouth opens and closes like a goldfish. Faster and faster until mom let’s out, a squeal. Think about that. Because if you don’t have a Geronimo condom, you’ll need to do something to put yourself off sex.