Recently voted in France (40 years after Europeans countries like Sweden), a law against child spanking finally bans all forms of « educational violence ». But despite of the law, this habit is still very common in french’s homes. How to raise awareness among parents of the harmful effect of spanking without them to feel a strong questionning of their whole education method ?More than a commercial that tells the parents what they have to do, Stop VEO an organization fighting for kids’right to grow without violence, released a short film about a mother an her son and what we’re actually loosing when we chose educational violence. To come to educational violence means to give up on communicating with a child. It reduces one of the strongest relationship to an absolutely nonconstructive gesture. The film, entitled « THE WORDS I WON’T SAY » illustrate the loss of this sharing moment.

The film opens with food starting to burn in a frying pan. Suddenly, someone comes to pull it from the hob, just in time. We see a woman, apparently a single mother. We can sense that it is a little late and that she is completing the preparation of her meal, in a bit of a rush (what's more, she did not take time to change when she got home and is still wearing her work clothes). The woman tips the contents of the frying pan onto her plate, without consideration, and sits down at the kitchen table.

Then we discover her child, also sitting at the table (a boy around 6 years old). In front of him, there's a plate with mashed potato that the mother has prepared beforehand. The mother notices that the plate is untouched. She stirs the contents a little with her fork, saying to the child:

Eat up. It'll get cold.

Then as she moves towards the child's plate, he pushes it away with a sudden movement of his hand and the plate, along with its contents, falls to the floor.

The mother, looking obviously exhausted, is immediately absorbed in silence and for a few seconds, we sense that she is really struggling to control her feelings and know how to react.

She glances at the plate, upside down on the floor, and then after several long seconds, she says wearily:

Why did you do that?

The child says nothing and remains absorbed in his thoughts, without even looking at her.

Silence. The woman looks at the child for a few seconds. Okay, are you angry? Do you want to tell me about it?

The child looks briefly at his mother and then looks away again. He remains silent.

The mother: No?

Inside Daytime. Living room. (Another timeframe/flashback)

At this point, we leave the kitchen and we find ourselves in another timeframe (a flashback) in the living room where we see the mother who is obviously having a difficult conversation on the phone. We can sense that she is stressed. The music gradually gets louder. The woman's voice continues as a voice over during these images, as if she is confiding: You know... I get angry sometimes too. It's normal to get angry...

We feel that she is talking about something that involves the child (body language). The other speaker on the telephone hangs up on her. And she remains thoughtful, stressed, with this anger inside her.

Inside Evening. Bathroom.

We're in the bathroom. The child is having a bath. The mother sits on the floor by the bathtub. She stares ahead of her, immersed in her thoughts, staring at the container holding three toothbrushes (2 adults, 1 child) which is beside the washbasin.

Mother's voice over:

Sometimes things don't turn out the way you want them to…

…according to the plan you had in mind.

The intensity of her fixed gaze allows for the music to come to the fore.

Then we switch to a series of simple indoor scenes, carried only by the music. Short scenes of everyday life but which show us how complex it is.

- Inside Evening. Entrance hall The mother walks through the apartment door, her arms full of food shopping. The child also carries quite a big bag to help her.

- Inside Night. Child's bedroom. We see the mother reading a story to the child in pyjamas in his bed at night.

- Inside Night. Kitchen. The mother finishes wiping up and puts a plate away in the cupboard. We can sense that it's not early and that she has just finished doing the dishes. This is clearly after she has put the child to bed.

- Inside Night. Living room. We sense that it is late now, but that the day is not over. Sitting at a table, the mother sorts out the bills.

Outside Daytime. Bottom of the apartment block. (another timeframe)

Bottom of the apartment block. The child and other kids play on a patch of grass. A little further away, the mother is sitting with 3 neighbours who are talking (other parents). She looks at her child, seeming separate from other parents' conversation.

Mother's voice over:

And when things seem to escape you...

sometimes you feel a little lonely...

...even when you're not.

Inside Daytime. Living room. (flashback timeframe)

Return to the living room during the day. Follow up of action after the woman hung up the telephone. Although we left her filled with anger, the mother pulls herself together and comes to sit beside the child who is playing with some toys on the floor in the living room. She begins to play with him gently. Mother's voice over:

So, do you know what I do when I'm angry?

… I think of you.

Inside Evening. Bathroom

Back to the bathtub scene in the evening. But this time, we watch the mother and child splashing each other and playing with the bath foam. We sense their complicity, the laughter.

Mother's voice over:

I think of us two… Of the first second I met you…

Inside Evening Living room

We are now in the living room in the evening after bath time. The child is wearing his pyjamas. The mother pretends to run after the child to catch him and the child tries to escape to play. She catches him. They both laugh and start to shout.

Mother's voice over : ...the one, where I knew that with you beside me, I would never be alone again...

The one where I knew that together, we had the power to blow away all the anger.

With this voice punctuating the speech, we switch to this moment of ultimate complicity, where the two have fun together in the living room. Like a moment that seems a little unreal, and to show off this incredible connection between the two, we watch them play the fool, and end up dancing. They dance to the music or rather move almost like animals, in a moment that seems suspended in time. A climax scene of being happy together.

We watch the scene with long moments of music.

Then the camera slowly leaves this scene with tracking that takes us back to the kitchen next to the living room. We find ourselves in exactly the same situation as at the beginning: The child who has just thrown his plate on the floor and the mother who we see sitting at the table, in the same position as at the beginning of the film (staring at the plate on the floor). We feel that she is really struggling to control her feelings and know how to react. She tries to take control of herself, but instead of saying the words heard during the film: she suddenly slaps the child.

CUT

Black screen. The music stops. (We don't see the whole act but we hear the impact)

The title of the film appears in silence:

THE WORDS I WON’T SAY

Followed by the message:

We have everything to lose from Educational Violence

For more information and support, visit StopVEO.org

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