Punch Line Hotline is a real dial-in hotline, created to promote Netflix is a Joke (Netflix's comedy platform), and Ben & Jerry's new ice cream flavor, "Punch Line," which was inspired by the platform. When you call the hotline at 1-866-PUNCHLINE, you can hear original jokes from stand-up comedians Wanda Sykes, Fortune Feimster, and Aparna Nancherla, all of whom are part of Netflix Is A Joke. Thirty minutes of unique content was recorded specifically for the hotline. With the push of a button, you could choose from dozens of joke categories and topics such as ice cream, love and relationships, the year 2020, and more. Callers could even get the limited-edition Ben & Jerry's Punch Line ice cream delivered to their door through the hotline. Easter eggs hinted at on the hotline unlocked even more unique comedy when people dialed the right number combination.

[WANDA] You’ve reached the Punch Line Hotline, the world’s ONLY ice-cream-and-jokes-themed hotline (...we think). It’s brought to you by Ben & Jerry’s, and Netflix is a Joke, and me, Wanda Sykes!

[FORTUNE] Ooh, ooh, and ME, Fortune Feimster!

[APARNA] Don’t forget about me, Aparna Nancherla!

[WANDA] Nobody is forgetting anybody!

[FORTUNE] PRESS 1 to hear JOKES because lord knows we all need a laugh.

[FORTUNE] Press 1 to hear jokes about . ...Oh. Oh, sorry. This says, “ice cream,” not “I scream.” Press 1 for either, I guess!

[WANDA] Here’s a good one: What did the bourbon say to the almonds? Am I drunk, or are you nuts?

[FORTUNE] What do you call two identical scoops of Ben & Jerry’s? Do you know? Are you guessing? Ice Cream Clones! Get it? Clones. They’re identical. I like to explain my jokes.

[APARNA] What did the ice cream say to the comedian? Let me guess; you're going to put this in your act.

[FORTUNE] I scream. You scream. Because none of us can leave our [bleep] house. Damn it. Will this year ever end? Does anyone have any ice cream?

[FORTUNE] Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? I scream inside every time you tell me I’ve loaded the dishwasher wrong. Am I right, fellas? ... Guys? You know what I’m talking about? Every time somebody is like, “that dish goes in that part of the dishwasher.” And you’re like, “It’s just a plate…Get off my back… Jaclyn.”

[FORTUNE] I love this job. It’s the one time I don’t mind working on a sundae. Get it? Sunday, it’s like an ice cream sundae also it’s like I’m working on a Sunday, but normally you don’t work on Sundays.

[WANDA] Nobody loves ice cream more than I do. I’ve actually been hospitalized with brain freeze.

[APARNA] Knock, knock, who's there? Sherbet. Sherbet who? Sherbet, you'd rather have ice cream.

[APARNA] How do you make frozen dairy go viral? I meme, you meme, we all meme for ice cream!

[APARNA] What do you call a scoop of Ben and Jerry’s Punch Line ice cream? No joke. It’s just delicious.

[APARNA] Whenever I'm on a dinner date and order ice cream for dessert, and the waiter asks if we want two spoons, I assume both are for me.

[APARNA] Did you know, if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to hear it, it does make a sound? But if you eat ice cream and nobody is around to see it, it has zero calories.

[APARNA] My favorite way to eat ice cream is quickly with my hands while running out of the grocery store frozen foods aisle screaming, "What is money, anyway?"

[FORTUNE] Ben & Jerry’s Punch Line ice cream is very similar to standup comedy. It’s full of nuts and bourbon. I literally get paid in bourbon.

[FORTUNE] Press 2 to hear jokes about the year 2020. But DON’T PRESS 2020!!! You don’t even wanna know what happens if you press that.

{when someone dials 2020}

[APARNA] Hey guys -- are you in there!? What’s this underground interconnected series of paths and plant growth? It’s so gray and ashy. Uh, I was hoping for some homey touches. Global warming is clearly a real thing. Okay...well...I’m gonna go because nobody is answering me; this is terrifying…

[Fortune] Press * to go back.

[Fortune] Press 2 to hear jokes about the year 2020.

[WANDA] In a year with so much crap, no wonder we got a toilet paper shortage!

[FORTUNE] Fun fact! 2020 will go on the record as the first year that is also a century. Like for real, will this year ever end? You guys, I mean, remember when it was March, and we were like, “This will be over in a month.” And then, like a year later, we were like, “Oh, we’re still in our house.”

[APARNA] I think I’ve grown a lot in this challenging year. To be clear, I’m referring to my hair AND nails. So much growth!

[WANDA] My last special was called “Not Normal.” Now, that’s everyone’s special.

[WANDA] My therapist reminded me: “Feelings aren’t facts.” So, I reminded her, “Checks can’t always be cashed.”

[APARNA] If I had to pick one thing from the year 2020 that I'd do over again, it would be forgetting it happened.

[APARNA] The only good New Year's resolution for 2020 would have been, “skip this one.”

[APARNA] 2020 is what happens when bad news is like, "This is going to be my year."

[APARNA] 2020 makes Y2K look like a relaxing yoga class, but not just any yoga class, the kind where little goats crawl all over you.

[FORTUNE] If I could describe 2020 with one sound, it would be: (make a noise similar to flatulence). I spit on myself.

[FORTUNE] 2020 is like when you eat Buffalo wings, and then you have to go to the bathroom, and you forgot to wash your hands. And then, all of a sudden, you scream. Cause it burns.

[FORTUNE] 2020 is like when you were 12 years old, and you told your grandmother you wanted to drive her car just down the road. And then you ran into a pole. Did that not happen to anybody else? Hmm, interesting.

[FORTUNE] Press * to go back.

[FORTUNE] Press 3 to hear jokes about love and relationships. If you wanna hear jokes about lack of commitment, just hang on the line for five or ten years and see if we stick around.

[WANDA] You know a lot of couples have broken up in quarantine. But I’m happy to report, my vodka and I are closer than ever.

[APARNA] “These days, it feels weird to call someone “hot”: “He looks hot…Oh my god, do you think he has a fever!?”

[FORTUNE] “I’m married and living with the love of my life; hopefully, the two never find out about each other.”

[APARNA] “Why do we call it “ghosting”? Have you ever been to a haunted house? Those mother--ers NEVER leave you alone! That’s their whole thing! They’re literally HAUNTING you. “Ghosting” should be what we call codependent relationships. Like, “My boyfriend wants to hang out EVERY night. He’s totally ghosting me.”

[WANDA] Seems like just yesterday we said, “Our kids grow up so fast.” Shoot, now I’m like, “Let's switch to dog years. We gotta move this thing along.”

[APARNA] These days, the equivalent of a sexual fantasy is wondering what a stranger's nose and mouth look like.

[APARNA] The most progressive thing about a video date is you're both equally paying for it: with your remaining youth.

[APARNA] My boyfriend and I finally said those three little words to each other during quarantine, “please shut up.”

[APARNA] It turns out one of the most romantic things you can do for your partner during a pandemic is wash your hands extra long. “This lather is for you, babe.”

[APARNA] Even during quarantine, getting an unplanned video call from someone, even a family member, is a devastating way to find out that they don't believe in the social contract.

[APARNA] Did you know that during quarantine, not responding to a text from a friend within a day is a felony?

[FORTUNE] Press * to go back.

[FORTUNE] Press 4 to hear jokes about staying at home. Be warned: our hands are sanitized, but our language might not be!

[FORTUNE] What do you call a Wednesday in quarantine? Ah – trick question! Time has no meaning in quarantine. ...Wednesday? More like What’s-day-is-it.

[APARNA] A lot of people have adopted pets during quarantine. I prefer to adopt bad habits. Don’t worry, though; they’re all rescues.

[FORTUNE] What do you call a comedian in quarantine? Unemployed. Wearing sweatpants. Not sweating.

[FORTUNE] My partner told me she needed space while we were in quarantine, so I moved – three feet over – on the couch.

[WANDA] Now I have to homeschool my kids. Man, I ran it like a real school. First day, I expelled them.

[WANDA] Man, these remote learning classes are driving teachers crazy. Yesterday, I overheard: “If a train leaves Cleveland traveling at 60 miles an hour, who’s jumping in front of it?”

[WANDA] Man, I feel desperate to see other people. I got a postcard from the dentist. It said, “We miss you.” For the first time ever, I turned it over and wrote back: I miss you, too!

[APARNA] The most valuable thing I've learned during quarantine is I make a perfect stay-at-home-not-mom.

[APARNA] The second most valuable thing I've learned during quarantine is it turns out my robot vacuum’s been doing more than just cleaning. Yeah, turns out someone's started a little affair with the air fryer.

[APARNA] My favorite thing about therapy from home is I can show my therapist what exactly I'm dealing with around here. Like I can point to my boyfriend and go, "See? He's doing it again."

[APARNA] I invented a new game during quarantine called, which part of my personality will crumble today? It's not really a game you can win per see.

[FORTUNE] Why do they call them sweatpants? When guys–let's be honest–if we're wearing sweatpants, we ain't sweating. We're on a couch, watching Netflix, eating Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, and life is beautiful.”

[WANDA] When your friends ask you how you are, do you just look at them and say, like, “I’m fine guys, chill.” And then realize you’re talking to yourself in the mirror?

[FORTUNE] Press * to go back.

[FORTUNE] Press 5 to hear jokes we insisted on telling. We’re mega-famous comedians, and we get to do whatever we want… Mom!

[WANDA] In the Netherlands, they say cuddling a cow relieves stress. Not for the cow.

[APARNA] Why do people talk about racing against the clock like it’s hard? Have you seen a clock? Sure, they got hands, but they don’t have legs. Even I can beat one of those. Also, it turns out time is a lie started by the government!

[FORTUNE] The best thing about yoga is that the teacher lets me do the modified version of everything. So, every time the class does downward dog, I sit in the corner and eat raviolis.

[FORTUNE] When I went to yoga for the first time, I had no idea they were saying, “namaste.” I just thought they were super into the class and wanted you to know, “I’m-a stay. this is a good class. I’m-a stay.”

[FORTUNE] I’m so glad that restaurants are starting to serve tater tots. It used to be that the only way to get tater tots was at an elementary school, which is super weird when you’re in line with a tray behind a bunch of 10-year-olds yelling, “Give me some of dem tots!”

[APARNA] As an introvert, I love that the new way to show someone you love them is to stay at least six feet away from them.

[APARNA] Comedy is going to change so much after this year. After quarantine, we're going to have a whole new wave of comics who've perfected the art of... laughing at their own jokes. < LAUGHS > It's good; good because it's dark.

[APARNA] Why did the chicken cross the road? It turns out she was social distancing before it was cool. Something, something bird flu.

[APARNA] Whenever people asked me what my sign is, I always want to say, "Closed for renovations."

[APARNA] Here's a tip if parties ever become a thing again. Whenever you're trapped in a bad conversation with someone, stare really hard at the person's mouth until they're forced to ask if they have something stuck in their teeth. Then you go, "I think it's me. I'm stuck.

[FORTUNE] Press # at any time to return to the main menu.

[FORTUNE] PRESS 1 to hear JOKES because lord knows we all need a laugh. PRESS 2 to hear if the Hotline Scoop Shop is open, where you can order a FREE pint of Punch Line ice cream delivered to your door. Or gate. Or moat? I don’t know how you live!

{IF THE SCOOP SHOP IS OPEN}

[FORTUNE] The scoop shop is open! Press 9 to receive text instructions to get that Punch Line! Offer is only good while supplies last!

[FORTUNE] We've recorded your number and will send text instructions to get that Punch line!

{IF THE SCOOP SHOP IS CLOSED}

[FORTUNE] The scoop shop is currently closed! Call back tomorrow after we can restock the shelves. Visit the website for more information. Offer is only good while supplies last!!

[FORTUNE] Press # at any time to return to the main menu.

[FORTUNE] PRESS 1 to hear JOKES because lord knows we all need a laugh. PRESS 2 to hear if the Hotline Scoop Shop is open, where you can order a FREE pint of Punch Line ice cream delivered to your door. Or gate. Or moat? I don’t know how you live! PRESS 3 to hear some first “impressions” of Ben and Jerry’s Punch Line ice cream.

[FORTUNE] Oh oh…. gotta get in there. I got to get in there. Hold on. Ok. Mm, mmm, this ice cream mmm is mmm this is so good—brown butter bourbon and almonds with roasted almonds and chuckles of cherries. I know, let me do a different one. I was trying to do my mom, but that was terrible. I don’t know why my mom keeps popping in my head today. Oh, that’s really tasty. Ok. Here we go. I’m just messing up my impressions so I can eat more ice cream. Mm, my wife. Almonds and cherries. Ah, Kazakhstan. Ok, guys, I’m not known for my impressions. Uh. Ok. Hold on. I eat some more ice cream. That ice cream is so good. I’ll be back...for more ice cream. < LAUGHS > Ok. I need more ice cream. Get it, guys. It’s like, “I need more cowbell.” I need more COW. I need more cow ice cream. Oh, wait, that sounded like I’ll be back.

[APARNA] This is my impression of a woman who has to name everything correctly as she’s eating it. Mm...is that oh is that mm, pecan is that almond that’s almond. I thought it was pecan-it’s almond. I taste some almonds, and oh, is that cherries. Hmm, it tastes like cherries. That’s cherries married to the almonds, yes, and is that mmm, I’m getting notes of bourbon. Yep, bourbon, oh, yes that is so, mmm, that is so...and brown butter...that’s what it...brown butter that’s what that was mmhmm. Wow, wow, perfection, perfection.

[FORTUNE] Press # at any time to return to the main menu.

[FORTUNE] PRESS 1 to hear JOKES because lord knows we all need a laugh. PRESS 2 to hear if the Hotline Scoop Shop is open, where you can order a FREE pint of Punch Line ice cream delivered to your door. Or gate. Or moat? I don’t know how you live! PRESS 3 to hear some first “impressions” of Ben and Jerry’s Punch Line ice cream. PRESS 4 to hear me, Fortune Feimster, predict your fortune. (I wanted to predict your Feimster, but the lawyers weren’t sure if it was legal.)

[FORTUNE] Press 1 for a sexy fortune. Or, in other words, just Fortune ‘cause she’s real sexy. Meow.

[FORTUNE] Mm, this is so good. Mm, I am so sexy. Oh, you guys, I’m really sexy. I just, I’m so sexy I can't even predict what’s gonna happen to you because I’m so busy being so sexy.

[FORTUNE] Press 2 for a silly fortune. Aww, Fortune’s so silly.

You pressed 2 for a silly fortune. Are you ready for this? You’re gonna have a great day. Boiling. < LAUGHS > Oh, I predict you’re going to love this ice cream.

[FORTUNE] Press 3 for a fortune, fortune (I’m talking about money, honey.)

[FORTUNE] What’s up, guys its Fortune. I’m here to predict your fortune. You’re getting some money. BAM, BAM, BAM, don’t tell your family that you got money, though, or they’re gonna ask to borrow it. So, I suggest when you get that money, *whispers* keep it a secret. Trust me.

[FORTUNE] PRESS # at any time to return to the main menu

[FORTUNE] PRESS 5 to hear commentary on our favorite Netflix shows -- NO SPOILERS!!! Just kidding, there are spoilers.

[FORTUNE] Press 1 to hear Wanda’s thoughts.

[WANDA] Stranger Things, great show, but you know what, the people in Hawkins, they put up with a lot of stuff. You know, I moved once because my water pressure was low.

[WANDA] There’s a show called ‘Queer Eye’ that used to be called ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,’ but I guess like me, they realized they don’t need a straight guy.

[WANDA] Coming up next, “The Great British Baking Show!” Followed by the sequel, “The Great British Dental Show.”

[FORTUNE] PRESS * to go back

[FORTUNE] Press 1 to hear Wanda’s thoughts. Press 2 to hear Fortune’s thoughts.

[FORTUNE] < sighs > Thoughts, so many thoughts, I’ve been watching “Selling Sunset” because I love to look at houses that I can’t afford. And I really prefer that houses be sold by super-hot people. They just go in houses, and they are like, “Look at this house? It’s only 45 million dollars, you guys, can you believe it? It’s right off Sunset. It’s got 10 swimming pools. It’s got twenty bathrooms.” And all I can think is, “Twenty bathrooms! How are you supposed to clean all of those?” And they’re all like, “Buy this expensive house.”

[FORTUNE] I don’t want to spoil “Emily in Paris” …. but she goes to Paris.

[FORTUNE] Press 1 to hear Wanda’s thoughts. Press 2 to hear Fortune’s thoughts. Press 3 to hear Aparna’s thoughts.

[APARNA] “Dead to Me,” ugh, great show. It also describes how I feel about anyone who puts me on their mailing list without asking.

[APARNA] Was I the only one who was disappointed that “Umbrella Academy” had nothing to do with sending all the unclaimed umbrellas in banks and bars back to school to get a degree

[APARNA] There's this show called “Lucifer” that I really like. It's about the devil being sick of hell and starting to develop a sense of compassion. Isn't it messed up that this year you can watch a show about Satan and think, "That's so sweet.”? Then again, I have the same reaction now when people don't hold the elevator for me. I'm like, "OH, that’s so thoughtful of them."

[APARNA] “The Crown” is one of those shows that makes you feel sorry for rich, powerful people. One of the oldest established monarchies, all the power and money they could ever want, their house is a castle, and I'm sitting there like, "I hope her sisters isn't mean to her this episode." It just goes to show you family can suck the joy out of anything, even a tiara. [APARNA]

[FORTUNE] PRESS # at any time to return to the main menu. PRESS 6 to hear Aparna and I hum some Hotline Hold Music. Honestly, guys, let’s get real; it was cheaper than licensing real songs.

[FORTUNE] PRESS * to go back

[FORTUNE] Press 1 for classical.

[FORTUNE] We’re on hold, guys. We’re together on hold cause guess what, guys? Life is on hold. Might as well be on hold together. Forever. Just watching Netflix eating ice cream, and being alone.

[APARNA] < Aparna hums classical music >

[FORTUNE] PRESS * to go back

[FORTUNE] Press 1 for classical. Press 2 for country music.

[FORTUNE] < Fortune’s adlibs with a country twang > Yeehaw buckaroo, you’ve been put on hold. You want some ice cream? Get you some ice cream. You deserve it. You’re sad and lonely, but when you put that spoon in your mouth, it feels like everything’s gonna work out cause it’s ice cream, and nothing is better than that.

[FORTUNE] PRESS # at any time to return to the main menu.

[FORTUNE] PRESS 7 to hear my private phone conversations with Jerry and Ben. They hate it when I switch the orders of their name.

[FORTUNE] Punch Line Hotline. Oh Ben, Jerry, what’s up, guys? I did not expect you guys to be on the hotline; I will admit that. Normally the main dudes, you don't hear from them, but you guys really care, and I love that. Cause uh.. shows you love ice cream as much as I do. No, I love ice cream. I wake up and eat ice cream for breakfast. I eat it for lunch... ok, I won’t tell you any more about ice cream. I just feel like you should know that this is a great thing we’re doing together. If you need me to do anything else, let me know. I am available. I can build a shed. Do yard work. Yeah, ‘cause you know stand up right now, not a lot of shows going on. So, you know...I got you. I got you, boo. Ok, I won’t call you boo anymore. Alright, guys, I will not let you down. I promise. Hello? Hello?

{If someone dials a wrong number}

[APARNA] Whatever you just tried to dial, it’s not a real thing. Feel free to try again. I believe in you.

{If someone presses “0”}

[FORTUNE] Thanks for pressing zero with hopes of reaching an operator. This isn’t that kind of hotline. We spent all this time making a pre-recorded automated phone system so you could find your way around without my help. I’m busy. I’m a comedian. Did I not mention that earlier? Guys, I’m a supermodel. I don’t have time for this. Just, just figure it out. I laid it out for you. Okay? Ask for directions. Don’t be a man.

{If someone presses “81”}

[APARNA] Hey, Aparna Nancherla here. I just wanted to say congratulations on getting one of the first pints of Punch Line ice cream in the entire world. You are one of a select few and get to try it before the rest of humankind. Think about that—Lotta pressure. Don’t wanna mess this up. As a result, I’m going to talk you through how to eat ice cream. Step 1, remove the plastic wrap from the pint lid. That’s our first barrier to ice cream. Step 2, let that pint sit for 5 minutes to reach optimal-scooping temperature like cashmere. Step 3, remove the lid. Now, gaze down into the splendor before you. Take a spoon (any spoon will do) and try and get a perfect bite with almonds, cherry, and ice cream in it. Step 4, and this one is the best part. Open your mouth and take a bite. The feeling you are now experiencing is what we call “flavor.” Now, just rinse and repeat. Or don’t rinse. That’s shampoo. This is ice cream. Enjoyyyyyyy!

A hotline is a phone number that you can call 24/7 for information. The Punch Line Hotline is a playful reimagining of the hotline concept for comedy and jokes rather than information. Hotlines also frequently are 1-800 and 1-866 numbers, so we co-opted the number system as well, making the hotline number "1-866-PUNCHLINE." The hotline is also a play on the new ice cream flavor name, "Punch Line" which is the ending of a joke, giving the whole concept and creation a playful cadence to it — The Punch Line Hotline.