MVO: Plain Insanity by Virgin Atlantic.SFX: Cuckoo clockSFX: MusicMVO: I don’t often eat caviar for breakfast. Perhaps as rarely as twice a week. But it was only Wednesday. Or Dorisday.

The lady in the tutu interrupted me mid-bite. She was licking a breakfast dog.

'I was born to dance,' she sang as ketchup dribbled down her chin. Her wooden leg betrayed her.

I quickly changed the subject to geography. 'What’s the lay of the land?' I asked. She tapped her wooden leg with the heel of her red stiletto three times. Her balance was uncanny.

'I landed this evening,' she said.

'First class amenities for a business class fare,' she said.

'Virgin Atlantic Upper Class,' she screamed, as if she had won at bingo.

It was plain insanity. So I stared at her leg.

Teak. Or maybe mahogany.