There are some people who you never want to meet. Not even by accident. This radio introduces you to a few tragic characters who have learnt the hard way about the perils of taking to the roads without Mercedes-Benz’s nifty accident avoidance features.

MAN: We met in a little in a little head-on collision. Now I’m Ted’s best and only friend.VIOLIN MUSICMAN: When I draw my curtains in the morning he’s there. He sent me his hair cuttings, and a bathmat lovingly woven from navel fluff.He likes to call often and say things like: "You have toothpaste on your left cheek" and "I like those boxers you’re wearing".For my birthday, he sent me a half sheep and 27 emotionally-fraught mix tapes.

He is intimately acquainted with the contents of my bin. I know he’s touched his earbuds.

And he likes to knit things for me too. Things like ponchos, cat suits and eye patches.

To think, if I’d been driving a Mercedes-Benz with Lane Assist, that nifty accident avoidance system, we never would’ve met.No accident, no new friend and no hidden camera in the shower.